Accidental Resolutions

I am not one to make resolutions for the new year. Sure, I’ve made half-ass attempts in years past, but truly, it’s not something I have ever done with any sort of conviction. Yes, I should go to bed earlier and swear less and not drink so much coffee – I know that. Logic tells me that those are good ideas, and theoretically, I completely agree. But I fucking love coffee, and I suck at sleeping, and a new calendar year doesn’t really change any of that. You could call me lazy, or stubborn, or whatever you will, but I like to think I’m just confident in who I am as a person: a tired, over-caffeinated monster with the mouth of a sailor. Please, love me!

So yeah, there were no resolutions made here. It would actually make a lot of sense to assume the opposite – after all, I am a compulsive list-maker and goal-setter with a penchant for living in a romanticized, dream-version of my life six months from now (my house will be so much cleaner and my kids will be sleeping better and my career will be UNREAL and also, I look amazing). But nope. Not my thing, guys.

Instead, I like to set goals constantly, spreading personal failures throughout the year like a handful of terrible, soul-sucking confetti that rains down when you least expect it. SURPRISE! That thing did not go as planned, did it? Ahhh, well. At least there’s coffee.

But then, there are the successes – the goals you reach or even exceed, the achievements that fill you with pride and drive you to do more, and be better, and keep going. It all balances out, more or less. And, if your romanticized dream world of six months down the road is to be trusted, everything be will PERFECT really soon. Right?

So writing here isn’t a resolution for the new year, but it is undoubtedly a resolution. It’s easy to lose your voice when you write for so many others, but in keeping a space for my own thoughts, I hope to preserve some of the emotions, convictions and reactions that drive me every day. Failures, successes, mountains of things that are only adequate, but mean so much more – here we go.

(Oh, and self-promotion. There will be some of that, probably, because bills, bills, bills.)

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