In Like a Lion, Out Like a Lion

Oh, March, how you’ve done me wrong.

FACT: I love springtime, and have been craving the change of season since the first flakes of snow fell.

FACT: March has been a terrible, terrible month in my household and if you could punch a month in the face, I’d do it now and feel no regret.

For those of you who didn’t just run away in fear – what happened? Let me provide a summary.

My kids have been sick for weeks on end. They’re still pretty sick, actually, with ear infections and strep throat and runny noses and spontaneous vomiting. Holy hell, the germs in this house. I could grow the penicillin myself.

As part of that illness marathon, my son puked in his car seat, violently tossing vomit throughout my van like blood spatter on CSI. It was bad. We ended up getting the van professionally shampooed, and then replaced the car seat. It wasn’t cheap.

And then lights came on the dash. Because an animal had nested under the hood of my van, chewing many wires and ultimately costing me $400 to fix it.

squiirrels

(Inside my van after it was attacked by wildlife)

Days later, the animal had made another nest. I bought a lot of moth balls. My van smells like an elderly woman.

Then my husband’s car unexpectedly needed a new transmission-something or other, to the tune of $500. Did I mention we are not wealthy venture capitalists, or even YouTube sensations with impressive ad revenue? My wallet is sad.

The kids are still sick, and now so am I. My husband is finally better, which is great because man colds are the #1 cause of marriage breakdowns in North America. Did you know that? It’s true, and we’re lucky to have survived. That said, there are still 9 days left in the month. HEY MARCH. Guess what? I’m done. You win.

But on the horizon – blissfully, mercifully close – there is a long weekend full of chocolate, a spa weekend with some of my closest friends, a boatload of birthdays to celebrate, a romantic weekend getaway with the husband (wait, are we still doing that, post-car expenses?) and yet another weekend away, this time to the North country with my siblings. There will be hiking, and cheese, and vodka. And sleep, hopefully. I have loaded my schedule with AWESOME.

And, perhaps best of all, there’s this – somewhere in England, there is probably going to be a research vessel named Boaty McBoatface. Honestly – how can you feel stressed or sad in a world where that is possible? Bless you, internet. Bless your stupid boat names forever.

 

 

Please, let this be my legacy.

Some days, I kill it at this mom thing. I pack awesome school lunches, actually remember that it’s Show & Share day at preschool, make homemade crafts with the kids after school, and tuck their freshly-bathed heads into bed at 7pm. SOMETIMES, that happens.

Other days (ok, most days), I feel like The World’s Ok-est Mom, wearing leggings for the ninth day in a row while getting by on enthusiasm and caffeine. Silently mouthing curse words into my coffee while hurtling my half-asleep kids into the van, I may realize that my son is missing his mittens and my daughter is supposed to return a library book that is probably lost forever, dammit. This is my life. I may be failing, but I’m trying!

And here’s the proof: I recently had a #momfail so great, the Internet declared me “hysterical”. As in, “a spectacular failure”. BEHOLD, my attempt at homemade play-dough, now immortalized on Pop Sugar Moms:

placenta playdough fail erin pepler

Yup. That’s my Instagram, and my play-dough. As my husband often says, we are living in a golden age. Bless you, internet. Enjoy my #momfail, now and forever.