(Posted on my Facebook page earlier today)
Shout out to all the parents who simply cannot get their shit together before 9am on a Monday morning. Whose kids were late for school again, or barely on time, or on time only because you lost your patience and threatened something unimaginably terrible, like taking the Bear Paw cookie out of their lunch box unless they put on their damn pants.
Shout out to all of you who know that Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday and Friday probably won’t be any better.
Shout out to all of you who had every intention of being Mary Poppins this morning but instead, sounded like Mother Gothel. I know you tried.
Shout out to every parent who has a routine that works well sometimes, but fails spectacularly other times, with no obvious rhyme or reason to it all. The parent who does everything right on paper, but still can’t get their kids out the door without an epic battle at least twice a week.
Shout out to the parents who aren’t morning people AT ALL but fake it as best they can, because school starts at 8:30 and you’re powerless to change that.
Shout out to all of you whose children are not morning people, either. God help us all.
Shout out to to every mom and dad who feels terrible rushing their kids out the door every damn day, herding them like cattle in order to beat some stupid bell that means nothing in the grand scheme of things but still stresses you all out to no end.
Shout out to the school secretary, who is kind but stern as hell. She sees your weekly shit show and knows exactly how many times your kids have been late this week. She is the one person you’ll never fool, and you know it.
Shout out to all the parents who love their kids more than anything, but dream of the day when they’ll be responsible for getting themselves out the door independently.
And finally, shout out to the parents who wish their children all the joy, love, success and wonder this world can bring – the sort of unbridled happiness and security we all dream of for our kids – but also sort of hope that their own kids will pull this shit on them one day. I hear you. I get it. We all get it. You’re not alone.
Happy Monday, everyone. Four more mornings to go.